Rebuilding Your Anchor: The Parent’s Nervous System
- Yvette E. McDonald, LCSW-QS, CMNCS
- Jan 9
- 7 min read
Part 7 of the “Big-Feeling Kids, Big-Feeling Parents” Series
If you’ve made it this far in the series, you’re probably someone who carries a lot —
not just physically, not just emotionally, but nervously.
Parents of emotionally intense kids don’t just manage behavior…
they manage the energy in the room.
The tension.
The spikes.
The sudden drops.
The unpredictability.
The moments where everything feels fine —
until it’s not.
And while your child’s nervous system tends to ride the edges,
yours has probably learned to live there too.
You’re not imagining the heaviness.
You’re not overreacting.
You’re not “too sensitive.”
You’ve been living in a state of chronic vigilance —
always tracking, anticipating, absorbing, adjusting.
And somewhere along the line,
your own body stopped feeling like yours.
Part Seven is about taking it back.
Not perfectly.
Not overnight.
But gently, slowly, intentionally —
the way healing actually works.
Why Your Nervous System Matters More Than You Think
There’s a beautiful, frustrating truth about parenting emotionally intense kids:
Your child’s nervous system is learning from yours.
Not your words.
Not your rules.
Not your “fixing.”
Your body.
Kids “borrow” your regulation.
They sync to your tone, your breath, your posture, your pace.
And when you’re exhausted, braced, depleted, or overwhelmed?
They feel it — even if you never say a word.
This isn’t to guilt you.
This is to free you.
Because it means this:
You don’t need perfect parenting.
You just need a steadier anchor.
And that anchor is you.
The “Lighthouse Parent”
Picture a lighthouse on the shore.
It does not:
chase the boats
dive into the waves
correct the tide
stop the storm
fear the darkness
It simply stands.
Steady.
Lit.
Rooted.
A lighthouse does not force safety.
It offers it.
This is the invitation for you now —
not to be a rescue boat,
not to be a shield,
not to be the emotional sponge,
but to become the lighthouse.
A steady nervous system your child can orient to
without losing yourself in the process.
Signs Your Nervous System Needs Repair
Because parents often miss the signals, here’s what it looks like when your anchor is fraying:
You tense before your child even reacts
You over-function or under-function
You feel dread around certain conversations
Your sleep is light, restless, or hypervigilant
You avoid conflict because you’re depleted
You say “yes” when your body screams “no”
You feel guilt faster than you feel anger
You shut down emotionally to avoid overwhelm
You lose your voice, your opinions, your preferences
You feel like you’re constantly “waiting for calm”
None of these are personal flaws.
They’re nervous system clues.
And clues can be powerful when you know how to listen.
The Four Pillars of Rebuilding Your Anchor
This is the part parents wish someone had told them years ago.
Here are the four practices that restore you —
not as a “self-care routine,”
but as nervous system nourishment.
1. Slow the Pace of Your Body
Emotionally intense kids often live at “fast.”
Fast tone.
Fast reactions.
Fast fear.
Fast overwhelm.
Your job is to drop into “slow.”
Slow breath.
Slow words.
Slow movements.
Your pace becomes their permission.
A simple practice:
Every time your child escalates, lower your voice by 10%
and slow your exhale by 10%.
It changes everything.
2. Reclaim the Places Your Body Has Been Tensing
Shoulders.
Jaw.
Chest.
Stomach.
Throat.
Parents of intense kids live in contraction.
A simple practice:
Whenever your child’s emotion spikes, ask: “Where is my body clenching right now?” Then soften that one spot.
Not all at once.
Just one spot.
Small shifts restore nervous system safety.
3. Create Micro-Moments of Regulation — Not Big Routines
Parents don’t need “spa days.”
They need nervous system nourishment scattered through the day.
Examples:
one longer exhale in the car
warm water on your hands
standing outside for 30 seconds
unclenching your jaw
letting your belly relax
naming ONE feeling you have
placing a hand on your heart
breathing through your feet
These small moments compound.
They rebuild your baseline.
4. Rebuild Your Identity Outside the Storms
This might be the most important part.
Parents of emotionally intense kids slowly disappear —
their hobbies, their space, their preferences, their voice.
To rebuild your anchor, you have to reclaim pieces of yourself again.
Not all at once.
Not dramatically.
Just one small piece at a time.
A simple practice:
Ask yourself:
“What is something I love that takes less than 10 minutes?”
Do that once a day.
Your child needs you grounded.
Grounded requires you to exist again.
Reflection & Gentle Takeaways
1. What part of my nervous system feels most depleted right now?
Your body knows.
2. Where in my day do I accidentally move too fast?
Speed is a nervous system accelerant.
3. Where do I collapse or absorb to avoid rupture?
Naming it breaks the cycle.
4. What do I miss about myself?
This helps you rebuild.
5. What is one tiny anchor I can offer my body today?
Small is powerful.
A Small Practice for the Week Ahead
Every day this week, choose one:
slow your exhale
relax your shoulders
soften your belly
release your jaw
stand outside for 30 seconds
speak 10% slower
Not all of them.
Just one.
Your body will begin to trust you again.
Something to Notice in Your Child This Week
When your nervous system steadies,
watch how your child:
escalates less
recovers faster
listens more
feels safer
becomes more flexible
resists boundaries less
returns to connection sooner
Kids don’t need perfect parents.
They need anchored ones.
And your anchoring is already changing the entire emotional climate of your home.
A Reassuring Thought to Hold Onto
You do not have to be calm all the time.
You do not need to be unshakable.
You do not need to be endlessly patient or endlessly soft.
You simply need to be anchored.
Which means:
grounded, not perfect
steady, not heroic
present, not absorbed.
Your nervous system is not a burden —
it is the quiet leadership your child has needed all along.
And you’re already rebuilding it, breath by breath.
Recommended Books & Podcasts for Parenting Big-Feeling Kids
Gentle, grounded resources to help you continue this work.
If you’re feeling seen by this series and want more support — more clarity, more understanding, more tools for daily life — here are some of my favorite books and podcast episodes. Each one aligns with the heart of this series: nervous-system awareness, emotional connection, and compassionate parenting.
These are safe, non-pathologizing, and deeply practical.
Books
A beautifully simple approach to understanding your child’s brain during emotional storms.
A gentle guide to boundaries, connection, and reflective repair.
How parental presence shapes emotional security and resilience.
Helps you build emotional literacy with your child through real-life moments.
Highly practical tools for staying anchored while coaching emotions.
Mindfulness, nervous-system awareness, and communication techniques for everyday parenting.
Especially helpful for kids who struggle with flexibility, frustration, and big reactions.
A compassionate look at behavior through the lens of the nervous system — highly aligned with this series.
Teaches the skill of validation without over-explaining or giving in. Very gentle and supportive.
Podcasts & Episodes
1. Dr. Mona Delahooke (various interviews)
Search her name in any podcast app. She explains emotional behavior through brain-body science.
2. Unruffled — Janet Lansbury
Excellent for everyday boundary-setting and responding to big feelings with steadiness.
3. The Mindful Parenting Podcast
Especially episodes with Daniel Siegel, Tina Payne Bryson, and Mona Delahooke.
4. Good Inside with Dr. Becky Kennedy
Look for episodes on:
emotional storms
co-regulation
shame
conflict repair
5. TILT Parenting Podcast — Co-Regulation Episodes
Great for neurodivergent kids and emotionally sensitive kids.
6. Mona Delahooke on Dr. Becky’s Podcast
A perfect blend of nervous-system science + connection-based parenting.
A Gentle Note
Every resource here was chosen intentionally — to support you without overwhelming you, and to protect the compassionate, non-stigmatizing framework of this series.
You don’t need to read them all.
Just choose the one that speaks to the season you’re in.
If this series spoke to your heart, you don’t have to navigate this alone.
Parenting an emotionally intense child can feel overwhelming, confusing, and isolating — especially when you’re trying so hard to do it differently than the way you were raised.
If you found yourself nodding along through this 8-part series, you’re exactly who I created the Parenting the Big-Feeling Child group for.
This 8-week program blends nervous-system science, attachment, repair work, and practical tools you can use immediately in your home.
Inside the group, we’ll walk through:
understanding your child’s emotional intensity
navigating shutdowns, shame spirals, and post-conflict distance
reducing daily conflict through connection-first boundaries
learning repair strategies that actually work for sensitive, overwhelmed kids
strengthening your own anchor so you don’t burn out
creating more stability, calm, and safety in your family system
If you’re longing for clarity, confidence, and connection and you want support that honors both you and your child — I would love to have you join us.
You’ll be the first to know when registration opens.
You don’t have to navigate big feelings alone. Support is here.
Yvette is a psychotherapist, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), and Certified Mental Health and Nutrition Clinical Specialist (CMNCS) who blends psychology, nervous system science, and nutrition to help individuals and families understand their emotional patterns with clarity and compassion. Through her practice, Nourivida Wellness, she offers concierge mental health support for neurodiverse individuals, parents of emotionally intense children, and those navigating deep relational challenges. Yvette believes in empowering people to become students of themselves—anchored, informed, and supported. If you’re seeking guidance, curious about working together, or longing for a more grounded path forward, you can learn more at Nourivida Wellness.
