Myths About Couples Therapy (and the Truth Behind Them)
- Yvette E. McDonald, LCSW-QS, CMNCS
- Jul 5, 2019
- 5 min read
Updated: Oct 26
“Couples therapy doesn’t work.”
“It didn’t help my friends.”
“We could never heal from what happened.”
I hear these words more times than I can count. And behind them, I always sense a mix of heartbreak and fear — fear of the unknown, fear of disappointment, fear of change.
But what if many of those fears come not from truth, but from myths?
Myths that keep people stuck in pain rather than taking the courageous step toward repair.
Let’s shine some light on the most common misconceptions about couples therapy and what’s really true.
Myth #1: Couples Therapy Means Divorce Is Inevitable
Reality: Absolutely not.
Starting therapy doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed, it means you’re invested in making it work.
Couples therapy can help you understand yourself, your partner, and your relationship dynamics on a deeper level. It can rebuild friendship, restore emotional safety, and revive connection where it once felt lost.
In truth, not getting help when you’re stuck is what puts marriages at risk, not therapy itself.
Myth #2: The Therapist Will Take Sides
Reality: A skilled couples therapist remains neutral.
There may be sessions where more focus lands on one partner (especially if there’s a pattern that needs addressing), but the goal is always balance. Both partners should leave each session feeling heard, respected, and understood.
A good therapist doesn’t take sides — they help both of you align on the same side: the side of your relationship.
Myth #3: Couples Therapy Causes Divorce
Reality: Therapy doesn’t cause divorce, it reveals truth.
It helps you see the patterns, wounds, and avoidance that keep love stuck. That can feel uncomfortable, yes but discomfort is often the doorway to transformation.
Healing requires emotional stamina, curiosity, and a willingness to explore vulnerability. As I remind my clients often:
“Vulnerability isn’t weakness — it’s the birthplace of healing.”
Myth #4: Therapy Will Make Things Worse
Reality: It might feel worse before it feels better but that’s part of the process.
Working through emotional pain can feel like stirring up the mud before the water clears. But when you stay the course, clarity and peace always return.
Growth requires courage and consistency, two of the very skills therapy helps you build.
Myth #5: Our Relationship Is Too Far Gone
Reality: If both people are willing to engage in the work, there’s hope.
Even relationships on the brink can rebuild with honesty, forgiveness, and skilled guidance.
In sessions, I often begin with Gottman’s The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, a research-based framework for strengthening relationships.
And for couples recovering from betrayal, I use the Atone, Attune, Attach model — a powerful roadmap for rebuilding trust after infidelity.
As Dr. John Gottman reminds us:
“Even a marriage that is about to hit bottom can be revived with the right intervention.”
Myth #6: Couples Therapy Takes Forever and Costs Too Much
Reality: Divorce costs more — emotionally, financially, and spiritually.
Therapy is an investment in your relationship’s longevity and your personal peace.
A skilled therapist will work with your goals, budget, and timeline. Some couples come for tune-ups, others for deeper repair — but the key is showing up.
Because anything worth keeping requires care.
“Anything worth having in life is worth working for.” — Andrew Carnegie
Myth #7: It’s Just Digging Up the Past
Reality: Healthy therapy doesn’t dwell in the past — it uses it as a guide.
Yes, we’ll revisit painful moments, but not to stay there. We use the past as a compass for healing and growth.
One of my favorite Gottman tools, The Aftermath of a Fight or a Regrettable Incident, helps couples process past pain step-by-step, increasing awareness, understanding, empathy, and repair.
Myth #8: Change Is Impossible
Reality: Small shifts create lasting change.
Dr. Gottman compares it to aiming a rocket toward the moon — just a few degrees off can miss the mark entirely, but small adjustments early on can change the entire outcome.
You don’t have to transform everything at once. Just start where you are.
“Don’t miss out on something that could be amazing just because it could also be difficult.” — Unknown
Why Most Marriage Therapy Fails
Not all couples therapy is created equal.
The Gottman's found that most traditional marriage therapy fails because it focuses only on communication techniques like active listening, which are nearly impossible to use effectively when you’re emotionally flooded or defensive.
Real progress happens when couples learn to manage conflict, build emotional safety, and nurture friendship — not just “talk better.”
The Truth About Couples Therapy
Couples counseling can be a transformative experience, whether you’re:
Strengthening what’s already good
Healing from past pain
Or learning to do love differently than before
It takes humility, courage, and vulnerability — but the reward is profound.
Let’s change the story around couples therapy.
It isn’t a last resort — it’s an act of hope.
“The most successful couples aren’t the ones who never fight — they’re the ones who keep fighting for each other.”
Reflection & Application: Is Couples Therapy Right for You?
Before dismissing couples therapy as “something that doesn’t work,” pause to reflect on these questions:
What stories or fears influence my beliefs about therapy?
— Are they based on personal experience, someone else’s story, or assumptions?
What would it mean if therapy did work?
— Would that require me to face something uncomfortable or change patterns I’ve held onto?
Do I believe my relationship can still grow, even after hurt?
— Hope often begins with curiosity — not certainty.
Have we ever had a neutral space to process emotions without judgment?
— Sometimes, it’s not the content of your conflicts that’s damaging — it’s the absence of safety in how you talk about them.
What small change could I make this week to bring more understanding into our relationship?
— A shift in tone, a kind gesture, a willingness to listen — these are the first steps toward healing.
“Therapy works when both partners decide that love and growth are worth the effort.”
If you’re unsure where to begin, that’s okay. You don’t have to have it all figured out before starting.
Therapy is the place where you learn how to begin again.
Yvette is a psychotherapist, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW-QS), and Certified Mental Health and Nutrition Clinical Specialist (CMNCS). Through Nourivida Wellness, she helps couples and individuals strengthen connection, rebuild trust, and restore emotional balance through neuroscience-informed, integrative care.
Her approach blends Gottman-based relationship strategies with holistic wellness, because love and health are both living systems that need tending. Yvette believes therapy isn’t about fixing what’s broken; it’s about learning how to love with awareness, compassion, and grace.
